NEW VOICES

A Short Story

by Carri Hendricks

Granny Lays On The Wet

NOBODY AROUND MY HOUSE liked Granny at all. Mother said Granny gave the elderly a bad name. When Grandpa died, Stepdad knew it wouldn't be long before Granny, his mother, would have to move in with us. Because of her imminent arrival, Mother and I grudgingly began to prepare her a room.
My family lives on a dead-end dirt road. We have a gravel driveway that runs straight up into the front yard and stops in deep red clay ruts that swallow up most cars that happen to stop by. The ruts don't bother us any because my family drives trucks. Actually they drive one truck and one jeep that is jacked up high enough my mother won't get in.
There used to be a Volkswagen Bug sitting on top of a patch of tall green grass in the backyard. The Bug was jacked up too -- it was a hunting Bug because it was painted camouflage, and had a big metal rack welded to its roof for supplies and dead deer. My stepdad would work on it sometimes in the afternoon; he'd get it to crank and drive it around the pasture, then park it again. It wasn't ever fixed long enough to go hunting in, but Stepdad liked dreaming of the day. We have a pecan tree that the Bug sat under for a while, the sap would drip down and make it sticky. The cats slept on its roof and left their yellow hair plastered all over it until Stepdad started spraying them off with the hose. After Grandpa died though, the Bug got moved out front so our neighbors could admire it more clearly.
I was very surprised when Stepdad sold his car. The Bug's new owner, Buford, was a neighbor who worked at the paper mill with Stepdad. He would ride his three-wheeler up to our house sometimes so they could drink and talk about the union or hunting. To me, Buford looked like a poster boy for heart disease. His face was squashed down into a barrel chest that was always heaving and shuddering over a huge beer belly. The bottom two buttons of his shirts weren't ever fastened, so his round, hairy gut hung freely out in the open air, and worst of all, you could see an egg-shaped hernia poking out right beside his belly button. The day he came over with the Bug trade offer, I was burning the trash and looked up to see him riding the three wheeler around and around the car, closely studying it. He motioned me to him and said, "Go get your Daddy."
Stepdad and Buford discussed for a while how Buford's son had gone to Florida with the Navy and Buford's wife wanted to make the son's old bedroom into an office from which she could peddle Home Interiors. His trade offer was the boy's waterbed plus a side of beef.
"I'll tell you what," said Stepdad. "Instead of the steak, why don't you give me a weekend stud service from one of your Brahma bulls."
It was a deal. Stepdad got the tractor out and told me to steer the bug while he pushed. Buford rode on home ahead of us, and I slowly bumped and bounced along with the tractor rumbling behind knowing this waterbed would be the last addition to Granny's room except for the old woman herself.
The next weekend, Buford's bull ran around and around our pasture holding his nose up in the air sniffing and blowing while our cows huddled together like they were to be raped. Their eyes rolled around looking at him while they tried to keep their asses downwind and away from his thick probing tongue. The hump behind his head bounced and bobbed like a water balloon and his cock swung all around while he tried to mount the cows, who must have forgotten what sex was like. Our bull, Mr. Man, may as well have been Mr. Woman because he never hung his cock out and terrorized the girls like other bulls. He just grazed and stood around in the pond without showing any interest in his fecund friends. However, he did earn his keep. If anything lurked in the pasture, he would charge at it with his horns down and hooves stomping. Packs of dogs showed up sometimes to chase and tear the cows' ears, but once we had Mr. Man, they never did it again. That was the only reason he wasn't in the deep freeze.
I watched the activities in the field that day. Mr. Man watched too from the barn where he was locked up for his own safety. Mother was inside crying because Stepdad had gone to pick up Granny. This was his weekend off from the mill and he decided it was time. The night before, Stepdad had given Mother a turquoise horseshoe ring to show his appreciation for her work in fixing up Granny's new room so nice. While helping mother with this task, I learned the plan was to make Granny's room so fancy and comfortable, she would stay in it. There was a love seat and chair, a TV, books, magazines, a deck of cards for playing solitaire, and best of all, the waterbed -- a bed so comfortable, Granny would sleep her days away.
I was still at the fence when the truck pulled up in the yard. I could hear Granny griping and groaning trying to get out of the vehicle but I never took my eyes off the bull who had finally penetrated one of our shorter cows, Wonder Woman. Wonder Woman held a special place in my heart and I was very pleased to see her getting it with no further signs of discomfort. I was glancing over at the other cows to see if they were watching when I realized Granny was coming at me.
"Girl, you better get in that house before I whack your sick head with my hairbrush!" She sucked on her Pall Mall filterless and exhaled with notable crackles. "Standing out here gawking as hard as you can at this damn mess." I took the paper sack she stuck in my face, and followed her to the house.
Granny's double knit pants rubbed back and forth between her thighs like a dry hump. Her putrid smell of mucous, cigarettes, and Ben-gay was practically visible once we got inside. I envisioned her pollution mixing and mating with Stepdad's own permeating odor of paper mill, whiskey and sweat. Their stink bubbled and became one, boiling and curdling until it settled, making a grease that covered everything in the house.
"...and then you can put my sack down." Granny was looking at me talking, then she headed toward the back. Mother came out of some darkness somewhere and walked behind us into Granny's room.
"Well this place looks like a motel! I got everything I need crammed into this little drafty room. Earl, how'd you fix it up so nice?" Granny put her purse down and started poking around and looking under cushions. She was fingering through a Sports Afield magazine by the time Stepdad made it down the hall to answer her.
"Momma, we all three pitched in to help you out with your new home, but Maxine here did most of the work."
He threw his arm over Mother's shoulder as she managed a smile and reached for his beer. He let her have it, and for a second or two, the only sound was her taking a pull. Stepdad started, then shoved me out of the way and flopped down on the waterbed. "Look Momma! Have you seen one of these waterbeds?"
Granny put her magazine down with a weary sigh.
Stepdad wiggled around. "Look, I'm floating. Doctors say these beds are real good for arthritis and your back." He punched down with his fists on the mattress making it slosh. Granny walked over and poked it. "See here Momma. I got this for you special. Move and let me get up so you can try it out yourself." Granny watched skeptically as Stepdad struggled to rise, then looked at Mother and me as we stood back with hopeful smiles.
"Who in the world would have ever thought of this. Maxine, have you tried this out?" Granny eased toward the bed.
"Yes, and it's very nice. I laid on it yesterday after I mowered the yard and felt like I'd landed on a cloud." Mother kept smiling, then took another drink of beer and watched as Granny cautiously lowered herself. I was biting my lip hard when Granny's ass touched, then sank down on my old Snoopy blanket and the heaving bed. With a lurch, she fell back and Stepdad jumped, grabbing at her feet as they shot up, but Granny grappled about and found her balance without his help.
"I'm gonna have to watch how I get on this thing!" She scooted around for a moment, then tentatively lay prone, very still and solemn, until the bed quit rocking. I held my breath for the verdict. "Maxine, I believe you're right. This is real nice." Granny crossed her arms over her bosom. "I like it." After more patting about, she smiled at us big enough that I could see the hole where she'd lost a tooth. We smiled right back at her.
Mother and Stepdad and I got everything unpacked while Granny laughed and smoked from her place on the waterbed. We all were getting along well, I could see the relief in Mother's face. She and Stepdad smiled at one another knowingly as things seemed to fall in place just as they had hoped. Granny rattled on about this and that, but her conversation would always go back to the waterbed and its virtues. I felt she was pleased. Before he left, Stepdad sat down and explained to her what not to do on the bed, like sew and lose a needle, or pet the cats, or drop a cigarette on it because it would get holes and leak and go flat. Granny lay there and listened to him closely, asking pertinent questions, then smoothed her hands over the bed and assured him she would take real good care of it.
As the three of us began leaving, Granny asked would we mind if she stayed there on her new waterbed and took a nap. "Oh, no Momma! You just relax and we'll wake you for dinner." Stepdad grinned and waved, then pulled her door shut behind him as he winked at Mother. "I believe things will be ok," he whispered. Mother pitched her can, put her arms around his middle and followed him down the hall to their room. After they left, I stood alone for a moment listening to them laugh. Presently, the house got very quiet.
Back outside at the fence, the bull was still at it. Some of the cows were lying down now, chewing their cud, while the others stood and stared. The bull had evidently found their communal sweet spot because they didn't put up much of a fuss any more when he saddled up. Mr. Man was still behind the gate looking over, but, I was surprised to notice, now he had his cock hanging out too. Seems like the Brahma bull had charmed everyone.
The next morning, I walked by Granny's room and smelled urine. Her door was open, so I stuck my head in.
"What are you looking at?" Granny had moved her chair to the far corner and was sitting in it smoking. She was using a turtle shell I'd found as an ashtray. "Get out, you nosy..."
I went on to the kitchen where Mother was making Granny's requested breakfast, oatmeal and a side of boiled prunes. I was hoping Stepdad wouldn't make me eat oatmeal and prunes when I looked out the window and saw Granny's sheets flapping on the line. I hugged mother good morning, then asked what happened.
"Granny said sleeping on the waterbed made her wet it. She said she dreamed about all that water underneath her and wet the bed. She came in our room before the crack of dawn squalling about 'the waterbed made me do it. It made me wet it.' I've been up since then trying to calm her down and get her sheets washed."
"Maxine!" Granny was coming down the hall. "Maxine! What are you telling that girl?"
"I'm telling her that her Daddy wants her to start eating oatmeal with you in the mornings in case you get choked!"
Mother turned the burners off, then dumped the oatmeal in a couple of bowls along with raisins and some sugar for me. She leaned down and whispered in my ear, "Don't you mention what happened. She's real sensitive about bladder control." She then spoke louder, "Take these to the table. I'm going back to bed." On her way out, she stuck the bowl of prunes by Granny who was now in Stepdad's chair. Granny suspiciously watched Mother leave, then settled herself for our breakfast.
I sat down and slowly started stirring my oatmeal when I noticed Granny staring at me.
"What did she tell you?"
I stirred my food. "Just what she said," I answered.
Granny looked at me real hard. "She told you I pissed the bed, didn't she." She paused. "I see you lying."
I scooted around in my chair a little, then stirred some more and took a bite. I could feel Granny's prickly eyes looking. Trying to eat, I studied the clock and watched the second hand move. I heard Mother and Stepdad back in their room laugh a little, then things got really quiet. Granny picked up a prune and sucked it some before she looked at me again. I stirred my oatmeal more and took another bite.
"Do you know who your real Daddy is, girl?"
I chewed and looked at the clock. 8:40. Nothing on television but preachers.
"Does your momma know who he is?" She sucked her prune. "I don't think she does."
Granny picked up her spoon and started stirring, still looking at me. I had stopped chewing and was staring in my bowl when the lump began to creep up my throat. The oatmeal was sitting heavy in my mouth.
"When Earl brought me to this house yesterday, I knew it. I saw you by his pasture watching those dumb animals screwing... I knew you'd be just like your momma. Another cow giving out free milk. Gonna get in trouble just like her."
I felt the heat begin radiating from my face. I reached and took a swallow of milk to shove down the lump and the oatmeal.
"You're lucky a good boy like my Earl fell for your momma. You're real lucky my good boy fell for that woman." She quit looking at me to take another bite.
"Mother didn't tell me you pissed the bed." I kept looking at my bowl. Granny dropped her spoon.
"Don't you cuss me," she gasped. "I'll have Earl tan your hide and you know it!"
"Mother didn't tell me you pissed the bed," I swallowed, "Mother told me you shit the bed!"
Granny almost fell out of her chair grabbing and swinging at me as I ducked and ran for the door. I got outside and could hear Granny wailing Stepdad's name. She hollered a long time because he was busy in the bedroom. Finally he must have come out because I heard her screaming and crying over what I had said. I sat down under the pecan tree and waited.
Stepdad came stumbling out of the house with his overalls half on and a belt in his hand. Granny was right behind him squalling and sniffing. "I wouldn't cuss a dog like she did me!" she sobbed.
Stepdad grabbed my arm, pulled me up, and reared back with the belt. Like instinct, my other arm swung around to shield my ass and legs and I was on my mark to run around and around him when I noticed Stepdad was holding off a minute. I looked up and saw he had his ear cocked, listening toward the road. I held my position and listened too.
Off to the side, Granny blubbered, "What's wrong, Earl?"
Suddenly I heard the unmistakable chirping of a Volkswagen Bug. Buford whizzed right into the yard, bounced over the ruts straight up to Stepdad's toes and yelled, "I got her running! Look at this Earl, she's a'singin now!" Buford revved the engine and Stepdad let me go.
"Goddamn Buford! How'd you do that?" He laughed and slapped the hood as Buford got out and they walked to the back of the car to have a look at the buzzing little engine. They poked and prodded for a while, then Stepdad ran to the shed, got whiskey and a gun, and joyfully crammed into the car with Buford, leaving without a glance in mine or Granny's direction. She yelled something inaudible as the Bug sped away, then we were left standing in the yard alone, watching their dust settle.
I relaxed and looked out at the cows. Mr. Man was standing by the barn with his cock hanging out while Wonder Woman was once again getting it easy from the Brahma. I turned my head and gave Granny a sweet smile -- evidently it was taken just the way I wanted because she promptly went inside and stabbed the waterbed full of holes. Then, with her own smile, Granny sat down in her chair to smoke as Mother and I weathered the flood.

[ Story copyright © 1997 Carri Hendricks. All rights reserved. ]

    Another Stoy by Carri Hendricks:
    Hot Tubbin' In Bawcomville, USA

Carri Hendricks is a native Louisianian living in Oxford, Mississippi. As a student at Ole Miss -- where she studies with Barry Hannah, among others -- she has won the Evans Harrington Creative Writing Scholarship two years in a row and has been published in Smalltown, a compilation of short fiction by writers in the Oxford community. If you'd care to comment on her work, write to carri@pictograph.com.


TW3 is a PICTOGRAPH.COM website.